An online collaboration of ear candy. O.M.N.I. is Noah Peterson, Benjamin Hicock, and Zach Spiezer.
EPISODE 32 of the O.M.N.I Saga “HARRY’S PSYCHEDELICATESSEN”
Where in which we find our hero, Caption Funktion, suffering from a fierce attack and ensuing scrimmage by the brainwashed Hubron Elbards of Planet RT10020212. During battle the Captain’s spaceship is badly damaged and so made a hasty retreat to a nearby planet outside the RT System. It's here that Captain Funktion stumbles upon Harry's Psychedellicatessen, an oasis of sorts in an area of heavy intergalactic trade activity.
Harry's Psycehdeleicatessen, located on Experimental Farm Road on the planet Pesci Carne Commercia, is a wonder to behold. It’s well stocked shelves have all the supplies needed for even the most discerning, funky beings. Harry is very wise and has seen much in his many years. He rubs his large belly, makes a gut face, and suggests that Captain Funktion try to strike a deal with the Sextraterrestrials to help fix the ship and get the Captain back in action. The Sextraterrestirals reside 2 ports down from Harry’s and is only a short shuttle ride away.
On the shuttle our brave hero contemplates the seemingly endless series of wars that have been raging for many, many years. The Captain, clad in a white astronaut spacesuit and helmet, sits alone on the shuttle and reminisces about a time before the wars had escalated.
Funktion recalls a time, as a child, riding these shuttles to visit family back on planet Funk. All the Funktions have come from Funk. But before the wars reached this level of excess, not many Funktions had actually left. A deep frown comes across the Captain’s shielded face as sad thoughts creep in about the Psychedelic Mind Wars. The tragic loss of so much family by battle after battle, and an ever growing number of societies brainwashed by the Psychedelic Waves.
Nobody knows the origins of these psychedelic waves but the effect is terrible. The peoples’ belief in the power of Dark Currents becomes absolute. Dark Currents are used for acquisition of many things and are traded at outposts and planetary hubs. Funktion thinks with disdain about these ports where Harry has his business and where the Sextraterrestrials have set up their military bass. Trading in these parts can be pretty aggressive and, as such, have become hot beds for the kind of battle that has put the steadfast warrior in this position: a broken down ship docked at Harry’s and an unforeseen shuttle ride to try and strike deals with members of an uncaring society at best, and malicious enemies at worst. Although there have been some flimsy treaties established, these days you could never tell who was going to stick to them.
The Captain arrives safely, but impatient in the Sextraterrestrials territory. Not long after landing, before barely leaving the terminal, Funktion is accosted by several different mechanics that had caught wind of who was on the shuttle. The Captain realizes instantly what is driving this society and relaxes amid the relative safety. Treaty or no treaty between them the most important thing now were the Dark Currents that the Captain had hidden in his space suit. Our hero sighed as 186.91 Dark Currents were handed over to the most trustworthy looking mechanic. A fight soon ensues between the mechanic representing the shop Funktion picked and the other shop representatives. This was the way of the brainwashed and the Captain thought grimly that soon after this stage, the society would turn their violence and relentless competition outward. Without fail, this will spark numerous conflicts which will plunge the whole society of Sextraterrestrials headlong into the war.
While waiting for the shuttle repairs, Captain Funktion watches the Mister Coffee steaming and orders some Cheery Yo’s for breakfast. Looking down at the surreal breakfast, Funktion wonders about the rest of the troops and how the battle turned out. There has been no communication since our hero’s daring escape. The attack was too swift to call for reinforcements and the fleet was broken up. The Captain was all alone aboard ship and had to make aggressive maneuvers to get out of the way of the onslaught.
Suddenly, a stranger stands before our hero and demands the Captains’ attention.
The stranger tells the reflective glass on the helmet that he knows many things. He says to call him Andar. He describes a place he knows that has the secret to end all the brainwashing that has made so many slaves to the Dark Currents. He speaks about a very distant planet that, when standing upon it’s surface on a sunny day, will emit a power that can be harnessed to cease the Psychedelic Waves. The Captain naturally asks if others are aware of this said planet, its name, and tells Andar there are enough problems already just trying to put the ship back together. Andar scoffs and replies that the Captain clearly is being modest. He speaks of Funktions reputation and the chance that exists to end the war, if only the right person took it upon himself to make the sacrifice. Captain Funktion is moved but still uncertain. Again, the Captain asks the name of the planet. Andar glances around before replying quietly,
“Mercury”. Andar’s face softens and manages a small grin.
The Captain looks around as well. “Alright, I’m in,” Funktion says, the gravelly voice emanating from the speaker attached to the helmet.
“Good. Eat your breakfast and meet me in the hanger where your ship is being repaired.”
Hurrying past a few brawls in the crowded streets and a seemingly ever increasing feeling of chaos, the Captain arrives at the hanger. Andar greets our hero warmly and apologizes for all the commotion going on outside.
“It’s a sad day when the Waves start to really take hold,” he says, shaking Funktion’s hand and stroking his beard nervously. “It appears you’re lucky. You will probably get out of here just in time. It was a smart move to send your ship ahead when you arrived at Harry’s.” He grins, ”That Harry!” he chortles, ”Why one time I had the craziest run in with…“
“Excuse me,” the Captain blurts out suspiciously, ”but I find it odd that you seem immune to the Waves. You even seem unaffected by what is clearly the crumbling of your society. You ARE a Sextraterrestrial, are you not?”
Andar winces and his face falls. “My dear…uh, person. Er, ah, Captain. I must tell you, it pains me to no end to see this happen to us. We were once a very fun, freaky, funk- based culture. Much like your own. Alas, that’s no more. It’s with great sorrow that I have to stand by and watch this happen. I have no explanation for my apparent immunity. Also,” his face easing, ”I could probably ask you the same thing.” The Captain’s head lowers, shoulders dropping. “But as fate would have it,” Andar says quickly, ”I have also been lucky enough to be in the possession of a tool with which to end all of this.” He points to a sizable crate being loaded onto Funktion’s ship.
“The Solar Plasma Blaster.” The Captain is frozen and speechless. Andar probes, ”I see you have heard of it.”
“Rumors of it. Only rumors… Those over there loading it… Do they know?”
“No. Of course not. They were told that it was a crate of my personal effects, but I have none. That is the only thing going.” He pauses.
Funktion, says slowly, ”Going…?”
“Oh come off it. You are going to need a Co-pilot.”
The Captain, head shaking, ” No. No no no…I fly alone. I must be…“
“You must be what?” Andar smiles, ”Crazy? You are going to need my help. You have no idea what’s ahead of you. No knowledge of that star system and Galaxy and you have never used a weapon that can harness the power of a star!”
“Just gimme that thing, I’m gonna break it! I can break the Waves spell! How do YOU know whether I have used a weapon like that, anyway? You’re very presumptuous.”
“It is not presumption”, Andar says, matter of factly. ”I have been following your career. I have watched you for a long time and have been waiting for my chance. We are going to do this together. You’ll see. We’ll make a great team, you and I. Now let’s get on that funky ship and go blast some Waves.”
“How certain are you that there will be enough shielding to fire the weapon undetected and still hit the computational center of the Psychedelic Waves source?”
“Mostly certain.” Funktion wonders about that grin that crosses the man’s face, this time accompanied by a twinkle in his eye. Our hero stiffens, relieved that looking into the helmet is like looking at a one way mirror.
They both jump and turn suddenly as the boosters are fired up for their launch test. Glancing back at each other, Captain Funktion realizes Andar is right. They need to act as a team if this is all going to work. Andar does not need to see the Captains face behind the helmet to know the decision has been made and heads swiftly toward the ship with Funktion close behind.
Our two heroes board the spacecraft, take their positions in the cockpit and commence the take-off sequence.
To Be Continued….